Culling Chickens

I started my chicken adventure in 2007 with big dreams of hatching and raising my own meat..It was suppose to go something like this.........I grow a garden and eat from it..I feed the chickens from it too (and with purchased chicken food) they lay eggs for about a year and make poo for compost, then I cull them and freeze them..........We eat our own veggies and meat....well it didn't really work that way. I have hatched eggs and every other part of the plan worked out except the eating our own chickens part. I just haven't been able to do it......I want to, I want to so bad. I have watched how to videos, talked to my Dad about it, My sisters, actually I am the only person in my whole family who isn't or hasn't grown chickens for food.  I keep telling myself  "You can do it, what kind of Urban farmer am I if I can't even process a chicken?" It is just the act of taking the life. The rest is no problem. I can pluck it, gut it, it is just the initial act of making that jugular cut. I am not against it, as a matter of fact I think if your gonna eat it you should be willing to kill it.....right/wrong, Heck I don't even know. I keep giving myself the pep talk and watching the old hens peck at the food and not giving me anything in return..NOTHING..As a matter of fact I gave away a rooster yesterday..that's right I GAVE AWAY a rooster...someone else will be eating the fruits of my labor. How's that for urban farming..I ask you is this good flock management..I think not. Help me out here. I need a class, or to watch someone else do it in person first...Something.